Embarking on the journey of divorce is an emotionally charged and complex process, laden with legal, financial, and familial implications. Among the myriad challenges, choosing the right professional team can significantly impact your experience and the final outcome. Tina Keyes, of Florida Divorce Coaching and Mediation, recently interviewed Christine Diorio, a family law attorney in Tampa, Florida. Their conversation highlighted critical insights on navigating divorce, the importance of selecting the right professionals, and the pitfalls of partnering with the wrong attorney. This guide aims to encapsulate her invaluable advice for those considering or undergoing divorce.
The Emotional Landscape of Divorce
Divorce is inherently emotional, and the emotional state of the parties involved can greatly influence their decisions and outcomes. Christine Diorio shares that most clients arrive at her office in a state of fear. She elaborates, "Fear is the biggest emotion that I see... most folks haven't been through a divorce before." The fear stems from the uncertainty of the process, the potential loss of stability, and the unknown future.
The Role of Emotions in Legal Decisions
People in a state of emotional turmoil often seek attorneys who promise to "fight" for them aggressively. However, Christine warns, "There's a big difference between having a lawyer review to cover your bases legally and then having a lawyer review to pick apart the agreement and create conflict." The latter approach can lead to prolonged litigation, inflated legal costs, and increased animosity, ultimately harming both parties.
The Cost of Choosing the Wrong Attorney
The attorney you choose will significantly influence the trajectory and cost of your divorce. Christine and Tina discuss the fact that there are many family law professionals who will, either knowingly or unknowingly, stoke immense conflict by playing on the emotions of their client.
Financial Implications
When attorneys engage in aggressive tactics, it often escalates the divorce to a point where both parties incur exorbitant legal fees, diminishing the financial resources available for each person's post-divorce life. Christine's client-centered approach seeks to avoid unnecessary litigation and keep costs manageable. Tina and Christine talked about how important it is to really vet the attorney you plan to hire, understand their mindset and ensure it aligns with your goals.
Collaborative and Mediation Approaches
Christine strongly advocates for alternative dispute resolution methods, including mediation and collaborative divorce. These approaches prioritize mutual agreement and reduce the need for contentious court battles.
Mediation offers a private, less adversarial setting where both parties work together to reach an agreement. This approach can preserve co-parenting relationships, especially when children are involved, and lead to more satisfactory outcomes for both parties.
Ethical Responsibilities
Ethically, attorneys should discuss all available options with their clients, including mediation and collaborative law. Christine emphasizes this, stating, "From an ethics standpoint, that is part of what the conversation is supposed to be, is talking through all the alternatives aside from litigation."
Assembling a Comprehensive Professional Team
A successful divorce process often requires more than just an attorney. Christine highlights the importance of a well-rounded professional team, including a divorce coach, a certified divorce financial analyst (CDFA), and, where appropriate, mental health professionals.
Christine especially emphasizes the need for clients to have a solid emotional support system independent of their attorney, which will allow the client to focus his or her legal budget on legal advice, not emotional issues.
The Role of a Divorce Coach
A divorce coach can provide emotional support and practical guidance, helping clients manage the stress and emotional upheaval that accompany divorce. Christine shares, "Having a divorce coach... and you're getting advice that has to do with much more than just the legal side of things... so that by the time you're coming to me, you're not having an emotional breakdown."
Financial Experts
A CDFA or other financial professionals can help untangle the financial complexities of divorce, ensuring that clients have a clear understanding of their assets, liabilities, and potential financial outcomes. Christine also explain how financial professionals can help clients view their divorce as a business deal, which will help them to make rational decisions.
Maintaining Control Over the Divorce Process
Maintaining control over the process is crucial. One way to do this is by being well-prepared and informed before meeting with your attorney. Tina stresses the importance of preparation, "If you are not clear on what you actually want, or even what you have and what the options are, how is your attorney supposed to efficiently move forward?"
Customizing Arrangements
By taking an informed and proactive approach, clients can work with their attorneys or a mediator to customize arrangements that best suit their family's needs. This is particularly important for parenting plans and financial settlements. There are many creative ways to carve up timesharing or divide assets, but the clients need to be in the headspace to look at their challenges with a solutions-oriented approach and be open-minded enough to hear the other person's ideas.
Managing Stress and Staying Informed
The stress of a divorce can be overwhelming, but it can be managed with proper support and self-care.
Self-Care Practices
Christine advises making self-care a priority, despite its often-dismissed status as a buzzword. She notes, "My clients who fare the best through their divorce are the ones who do take [self-care] deadly serious."
The Importance of Education
Staying informed and educated can also alleviate some of the anxiety surrounding the process. By understanding the legal and financial aspects of divorce, clients can make more rational decisions. Christine's advice is to "get yourself educated, get yourself informed. Don't put yourself in the position that your attorney knows more than you."
Avoiding Common Pitfalls
One of the most common and detrimental pitfalls is allowing the divorce to become a battleground. This can have long-lasting negative effects on all parties involved, particularly children.
Negative Influence from Others
Family and friends, though well-meaning, can sometimes exacerbate the situation. Christine advises caution about going to family or friends for advice, because those people will not be objective in their assessments. Similarly, Tina mentions the importance of realizing that social media accounts or information sources you surround yourself with can impact your mindset very negatively and prevent you from reaching agreements.
The Benefits of a Positive Approach
Taking a less adversarial approach to divorce can have numerous benefits, including financial savings, emotional well-being, and better co-parenting relationships.
Financial Savings
By avoiding unnecessary litigation, both parties can save significant amounts of money that can be better used to support their new lives post-divorce. Christine asks her clients "Do you want to pay for my kids to go to college or for your kids to go to college?" Prolonged legal battles can leave both parents both financially and emotionally drained.
Emotional and Relational Benefits
A positive approach fosters better long-term relationships between ex-spouses, which is particularly beneficial when children are involved. The professionals you surround yourself with will determine the tone of the process and your mindset. If you have professionals who prey on your emotions, things can very quickly get out of hand. If you have professionals who are focused on keeping you calm and rational, your long-term coparenting relationship will be much better for your childrens' sake.
Final Thoughts
Choosing the right professional team during a divorce is crucial for achieving a fair and efficient outcome. Christine Diorio's insights underscore the importance of avoiding aggressive attorneys who prioritize conflict over resolution. Instead, she advocates for a team approach that includes legal, financial, and emotional support to navigate the complexities of divorce.
For those facing divorce, taking the time to research and select the right professionals can lead to a more amicable, cost-effective, and emotionally healthy process. As Christine concludes, "Finding the right people to help you get the information that you need... will save so much money, so much time, so much stress, so much overwhelm."
Navigating divorce is never easy, but with the right approach and the right team, it can be managed in a way that minimizes damage and promotes positive outcomes for everyone involved.
Getting in touch with us
Christine Diorio - christinediorio.com
Tina Keyes - floridadivorcecoaching.com
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